I find myself in Los Angeles again, and living here somewhat permanently. I have rent, a car payment, and electric bills. Some would say, that this is where and what is expected for a Los Angeles local at the ripe age of 28.
Los Angeles was not necessarily where I saw myself at this point in my life. I imagined I would still be living abroad, or at least across the country. Rather, I got stuck in a job I hoped did not define me, in the very place I thought I wouldn’t come back to until later in life - as you can imagine, it was all very comfortable.
Well, the funny thing is, I’ve done the most uncomfortable thing of all - I have fallen in love. Not just any love, but something that cannot be defined by commonplace words here on this page. He lifts my soul, and encompasses it fully at the same time. He makes me want and need to be a better person, because he challenges me to do so. He causes my insides to tremble, yet makes my heart feel free. This love is so terrifyingly poignant, and I never want this beautiful feeling to leave.
He has made me realize my unfortunate comforts within my job and day to day life – he has encouraged me to step out of those, and find myself within that discomfort. I have, fortunately, now quit that job I did not feel passionate about, am finally attempting to change the badly formed habits of societal pressures, to get back to the pure joy of everyday creativity. To embrace the present, encourage love of nature, and to find the goodness in humanity.
From someone who has tried to define herself so often in observing other countries and other people’s lives, the truth is that you must find it within yourself first. It comes full circle - the title of this blog that I created many years ago is All the Lives We Could Live. Well, I finally realized that I wanted to live this one. And I thank love for letting me know why.